I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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