We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
