i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
