I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think brook has ever known best
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
