i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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