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She said her name was "party"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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