Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...