Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?

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  (410): Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work? http://tfl.nu/5kkn
  Replies (13) Good night (638) Bad night (1322)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i effin hate jeff goldbloom.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  but i totally would still bang him

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  (708): i effin hate jeff goldbloom. (708): but i totally would still bang him http://tfl.nu/w2kp
  Replies (32) Good night (1651) Bad night (986)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.

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  (970): sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan. http://tfl.nu/zri3
  Replies (70) Good night (797) Bad night (2703)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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  (214): I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work http://tfl.nu/fhj1
  Replies (47) Good night (788) Bad night (3466)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.

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  (502): All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets. http://tfl.nu/t3ff
  Replies (10) Good night (3814) Bad night (761)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (12) Good night (4853) Bad night (1826)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..

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  (309): Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around.. http://tfl.nu/cqm4
  Replies (4) Good night (2599) Bad night (1021)
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  (805): View more from California

  You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way

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  (805): You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way http://tfl.nu/xnwc
  Replies (6) Good night (1921) Bad night (714)
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  (619): View more from California

  he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.

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  (619): he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman. http://tfl.nu/fyou
  Replies (6) Good night (861) Bad night (1126)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center

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  (404): Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center http://tfl.nu/qm46
  Replies (7) Good night (1187) Bad night (513)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Steaks?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Ash Wednesday.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?

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  (267): Steaks? (215): It's Ash Wednesday. (267): If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made? http://tfl.nu/8kzi
  Replies (4) Good night (996) Bad night (378)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

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  (908): i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago http://tfl.nu/q8gp
  Replies (4) Good night (403) Bad night (657)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"

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  (217): what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?" http://tfl.nu/sbqo
  Replies (9) Good night (721) Bad night (1121)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???

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  (905): Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball??? http://tfl.nu/u0wc
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (329)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!

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  (479): Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating! http://tfl.nu/g8qn
  Replies (0) Good night (416) Bad night (267)

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