If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.