Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.

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(508): my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter. http://tfl.nu/lkrq

Replies (14) Good night (574) Bad night (3226)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.

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(480): I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral. http://tfl.nu/j7go

Replies (20) Good night (3775) Bad night (888)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you

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(506): cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you http://tfl.nu/iu0p

Replies (21) Good night (5307) Bad night (1059)
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(917): View more from New York City

hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye

(908): View more from New Jersey

AMAZING.

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(917): hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye (908): AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/tp4d

Replies (5) Good night (2212) Bad night (845)
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(254): View more from Texas

You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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(254): You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever. http://tfl.nu/wqqf

Replies (3) Good night (2209) Bad night (892)
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(206): View more from Washington

second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be

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(206): second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be http://tfl.nu/jh2s

Replies (11) Good night (692) Bad night (2668)
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(415): View more from California

The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

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(415): The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes. http://tfl.nu/qcrt

Replies (4) Good night (1294) Bad night (634)
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(419): View more from Ohio

The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

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(419): The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child. http://tfl.nu/ltf5

Replies (17) Good night (835) Bad night (2393)
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(678): View more from Georgia

We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.

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(678): We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around. http://tfl.nu/u4a3

Replies (8) Good night (989) Bad night (479)
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(406): View more from Montana

She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial

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(406): She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial http://tfl.nu/8xau

Replies (10) Good night (3451) Bad night (565)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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(832): And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking. http://tfl.nu/dun3

Replies (3) Good night (696) Bad night (419)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.

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(862): The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different. http://tfl.nu/flvh

Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (769)
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(503): View more from Oregon

On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral

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(503): On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral http://tfl.nu/aofs

Replies (1) Good night (666) Bad night (328)
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(805): View more from California

We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...

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(805): We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians... http://tfl.nu/wh6c

Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (234)
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(702): View more from Nevada

HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!

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(702): HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!! http://tfl.nu/b1io

Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (240)

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