Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.