dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"