I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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