3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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