Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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