Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
