he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
