He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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