Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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