I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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