I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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