I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
