Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My nipple is on Facebook.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
