just come out here and I will go home with you...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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