I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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