Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
