i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
