Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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