Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
