first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
