If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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