Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
