the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
