They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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