How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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