yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
