So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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