Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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