just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize