I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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