We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
