when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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