Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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