I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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