My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
