We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
