I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
