i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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