we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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