You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
