plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
