It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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