I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
