I could make wine with my vomit
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
