She is in my trunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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