I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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