I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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