If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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