Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am available for nakedness
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
