nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
