I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
