I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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