my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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