In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
