When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
