Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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