What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
