So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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