if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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