JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
