haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
