you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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