Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill

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(760): View more from California

blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

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(614): View more from Ohio

she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

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(661): View more from California

Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil

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(916): View more from California

My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.

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