Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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