Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
