That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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