I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man