I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
